copyright 2008
Ruth Pocsai
Twice Born
Verbatim Transcript of Past Life Session, April 12, 1983
(Th. abbreviated for Therapist, Ru. Client)
Th. What went through your mind that you like to work on today?
Ru. I thought I leave it up to my higher consciousness, I did not want to create/build a mold about it, I thought I let my new concepts work for me and see what comes in.
Th. How are you feeling?
Ru. I feel at peace. I feel my consciousness is kind of expanding out.
Th. If you knew what you would like to work on today, what would it be?
Ru. Maybe developing the Universal Love Aspect which is really difficult. It’s so easy said not to get angry, not to get upset and love everybody, because of the universal Brotherhood ideals, but you really have to work on it.
Th. What happened to you in the past that really got you angry and upset?
Ru. With people or friends I allowed using me and myself for allowing self deception creep into my mind and feelings. It was like an awakening, realizing that true friends do not use each other otherwise relationship gets out of balance. I am really striving for balance, within my self, with my environment, and in relationships, with groups and individuals. I really see the necessity of balance which means balance in my giving, and balance in receiving.
Th. OK, trusting in the unconscious to take you to the appropriate lifetime where you discovered the necessity of balance in giving and balance in receiving. We trust in the unconscious to take you to this life time. Lets go to the earliest appropriate lifetime where this became an issue for you. Repeat the phrase.
Ru. Balance in my giving and balance in my receiving.
Th. Again!
Th. How do you feel in your body?
Ru. I really don’t feel anything except a picture flashing into my mind of a woman carrying something on her head. It lookes like these pictures of the Far East when woman were carrying their loads on their heads and going upward on a steep uphill road. A shadow picture, it’s almost like a group of people going somewhere. The men carrying their things over their backs like a knapsack.
Th. What does if feel your body is doing? Do you feel like you are walking, sitting, laying, standing, crouching? What position is your body in?
Ru. I think I am resting just now.
Th. What position?
Ru. Kind of sideways with my legs knees up.
Th. On the right or left side?
Ru. On of left.
Th. Are you a men or a woman?
Ru. A woman,
Th. Is there anyone around you?
Ru. Yes, I can’t quite make it out, it seems like somebody is standing on the roadside and looking out. It’s really kind of a deserted area. It’s almost like pilgrims.
Th. In the Forest?
Ru. This came first into my mind, it’s like these people bowing down, and it looks like they have brown type of capes on their heads and kind of figures on their capes. I must have been tired and lied down.
Th. What are you feeling in your body, why are you laying down, check your body. Get into that body and see what it is feeling.
Ru. I think I just was very tired and kind of exhausted and it feels good lying down.
Th. What part of your body is tired?
Ru. My neck area most from the weight carrying on my head. There seems to be this urn like thing that woman carry on their head. Oh I see, it is a water urn and I just see myself getting water into it.
Th. OK, lets get back into that body. Tell what if feels like to get water into that jug?
Ru. I haven’t got that thing on my head yet. Heavy, yes it feels heavy putting it on your head. I do feel kind of pain in my neck, going further down in my back, the shoulder areas.
Th. What is happening?
Ru. I am getting like into a deeper state just now. Maybe I fell asleep for a minute. It feels like
I am getting into a relaxed state. I am getting a picture of the jug being knocked off my head and the water pouring out.
Th. If you know who knocked that jug of your head who would it be?
Ru. I am getting only like shadowy pictures, it seems like it was one of the brown robed people. I seem to be knocked of my balance and rolling, rolling down.
Th. What does if feel like being knocked of balance and rolling down.
Ru. Kind of surprised and a feeling, almost like you would be jumping off a high place, or when you in an elevator or a coaster roller when they do this fast dips and one gets this jumpy feeling in the solar plexus.
Th. What happened when you finally stopped rolling?
Ru. My head and my neck hurts, I got my hands on my head.
Th. What has happened?
Ru. It seems like that man is trying to attack me. It feels like he has his hands and arms around me, around my back, trying to kiss me. I can’t figure out the relationship.
Th. What are you doing when he is trying to kiss you?
Ru. I am struggling! Trying to get his hands of my waist, my heart just started to beat a bit stronger.
Th. If that stronger heart beat could express itself, what would it say?
Ru. I guess I was afraid of him.
Th. If that fear had words what would that fear say?
Ru. I don’t want that man,
Th. What happened next?
Ru. I think he took me that way.
Th. Explain to me how does it feel to be taken that way?
Ru. It feels like he is a big dark shadow over me, I just think it’s horrible.
Th. What is he doing to you?
Ru. He is undressing my garments, and I feel like I am going to faint.
Th. Again
Ru. I feel he is undressing my garments and I feel I am going to faint because I don’t want this man.
Th. What is he undressing you first, how does he do this?
Ru. I think that I have loose garments held together around my waist and he is opening these garments up. I don’t think we wore underclothing than.
Th. He opened your garments and than what happened?
Ru. He is getting into me.
Th. What does he do first?
Ru. I am aware that he is thrusting it into me.
Th. What does that feel like?
Ru. I want to throw up!
Th. Again.
Ru. I want to throw up. Oh my God, he’s putting a cloth into my mouth; he is tying it in the back so I can’t scream. He is holding my hands with his hands, pulling them away; I was trying to protect myself. Oh God, now he is all over me, I am fainting.
Th. Now your consciousness is aware and there. What is going on? The conscious mind is shutting down, but the unconscious mind is aware. Continue do describe what he does to you.
Ru. He has his head all over my neck and upper body and kissing, yuck. I feel kind of a pain in my lower part of my body and vagina.
Th. If there would be a reason for that pain, what would it be?
Ru. I guess I wasn't’t used to this.
Th. What happens next?
Ru. I am turning over, he is off me, and I am turning over. Oh my God, I feel like he kicks me.
Th. Where do you feel he is kicking you?
Ru. My back, my behind as I roll over after he is thru.
Th. What happens next?
Ru. I scream at him you beast, you beast. I think I attack him, getting back at him; I am a wild beast myself. He is too strong.
Th. What happens than?
Ru. I think I kind of resigned myself to not being able, not having the strength to fight off men like that. Now I see him walking back to the party.
Th. What happens next?
Ru. I just feel real pains in my neck area. The party seems to get going; I don’t get real clear
Pictures who the others are.
Th. What is the next major event that happens to you?
Ru. It just looks like an Indian, an American Indian, it was kind of a floating thing and does not fit into the picture; because he went up on a horse, and we were all on foot, I know that. I don’t know where that fits in?
Th. Do you see this man again?
Ru. Yes, he has feathers and arrow, long black hair, he is that Indian.
Th. Lets get back to the man who raped you. Do you see him again?
Ru. I can picture him better now. I see something, could be a grizzly face, he is fat, more of an Arab type.
Th. What is the next major thing that happened to you?
Ru. I think I have to live with that guy because of the shame. At this time you know when a woman was taken by a man without consent that was her shame and she had to marry him, be his servant, or one of his wives. I think at this point, after I got up, I screamed at him and called him a beast, and I had not the power to fight him off, I resigned myself to it, that’s it. Now you got to live with that and him. I resigned my future to him. It feels kind of real heavy in my solar plexus area.
Th. What is the reason you feel real heavy in you solar plexus?
Ru. Crying, being very desperate.
Th. Did you conceive as a result of that?
Ru. No, I see myself now in a more commune type of thing with other woman. We are on a well or water hole, just water in the ground, I can’t see any build up. Some are washing their face. This is a commune where woman had to go to the well and fill up the water jugs. I try to make out the back ground, it looks like tents.
Th. What position is your body in?
Ru. Kneeling down over the water hole.
Th. How does it feel kneeling down over the water hole?
Ru. My back aches.
Th. What happened there?
Ru. My back aches, I felt that I was praying and standing up I had the feeling of being lifted right out of the body again.
Th. If there was a reason for you to be lifted out of your body, what would it be?
Ru. I think I just fainted from the pain in my back again.
Th. What was that pain caused by?
Ru. Something with the spine.
Th. Involving the spine, what would it be?
Ru. I think where the guy kicked me. There was damage done, when I kneel at the water hole the pain gets so bad and when I stand up I faint. The fainting feels like being liftet right out of the body because I was praying.
Th. What were you praying for?
Ru. Help and light.
The. Your unconscious mind is aware of everything that is going on although you passed out because of pain, what is happening to you and around you?
Ru. The other woman at the water hole turn around and try to comfort me and lift me up, looks like about four or six of them, they are lifting me up, looks like I have blood on my mouth, coming out of my mouth.
Th. Get back in that body and tell me what you feel?
Ru. I look at them, they seem to be very concerned about me, and I kind of nod over and pass out again.
Th. What happens, you are fully aware on the unconscious level, what happens than, what did you do?
Ru. They are singing and chanting while they walk me back and forth and this American Indian seems to, but now I see that he is actually in the spiritual world, he is not on the physical, because he came by and stroked my head, and I got confused because this village is there. I am not Indian, why would he be there? They are taking me to the tents, I got it, they not really tents, they are tent like structures, round with one opening, and they go up into a cone like thing, they have this, looks like dry straw all over, on the sides too. It is like little round huts, but they look like tents but they’re not. The spiral tops and the sides are packed with this straw. There is a dark entrance; I am not thru it yet. I think they are lying me down outside the hut.
Th. What happens?
Ru. I just drifted off again.
Th. If there would be a reason for you not wanting to be there what would that reason be?
Ru. I think I called him grizzly, the grizzly guy.
Th. If there would be a reason you drifted off again, why would you not wanting to there?
Ru. I am afraid of him that he would inflict further physical pain on me. I see they are putting me into a stretcher like construction, a thing between a hammock and a chair. What a strange construction, it has some wood in it; my upper body is more up. There are other people sitting around in the tent. He seems to be the chief of them.
Th. What happens to you in that chair hammock contraction?
Ru. Oh gush; I feel real pain now all over my body. They decide that I am no use to him anymore, I should be cast out from his household, and that seems to feel real good.
Th. What happens next?
Ru. Oh, gush, I think they take me; at that time did the old woman had to live in one commune by themselves like outcasts? And I am afraid living with these ugly old people there.
Th. How old are you?
Ru. I am a young woman, in my twenties, even younger. Because I am not a work animal anymore, I am no good. They take me there because I can’t walk.
Th. What happens to you than?
Ru. I just see them inspecting me with their grins,
Th. How long you been there?
Ru. I think they called a medicine man. I always have visions in between of that spiritual guy, the American Indian. It’s very strange, he seems to give me very much solace from the inner planes, but I am able to see him.
Th. Is the medicine man around?
Ru. I haven’t seen him yet. I seem to be on an elevated sled, kind of a bed, almost like a hollowed tree trunk that is being fixed similar to a bed. I am lying in that. Strangest thing, it seems suspended almost like a modern swings, but with wood.
Th. What happens next?
Ru. I see the medicine man now. He is behind me; I must not be in my body because I see him from behind.
Th. Get back in your body and tell me what happens?
Ru. It’s comfortable, it’s like a bed, it is swinging, others are walking around in a circle and finally the medicine man came and positioned him self behind my head.
Th. What does he do?
Ru. It seems like some kind of leaves or reads of leaves were put around my chest. He is chanting too. He is something between an Arabian and an Indian to my knowledge. It seems like they are sprinkling my body with some kind of stuff. He has something round in his hand, the others around me too; they are sprinkling my body with stuff. It seems like a ceremony. Hum, a strange feeling, I just felt like my body almost becoming mummified. Like the tree trunk becomes, closing up, hum, but it’s not on the physical, I don’t understand it.
Th. It’s OK, go on.
Ru. It felt like this thing is turned around and I am falling down, but it’s not a physical falling. It’s like the medicine man throws out the physical elements from my physical body and wills them to mingle with the physical elements of the earth. And than they are being drawn back into my body and if feels like I am turning around again. Now, he wills the air elementals and he wills these to withdraw and mingle with the elements of the air (sigh of relieve) which is good. Than he wills it back into my body. Ah, I got it, this is the balance, oh gush, (with much exited voice) it feels good. He balanced my body! I am healthy again, oh my God! That feels so good, I am free again. Oh, my God, this is incredible. (Big sighs of relieve) It’s incredible, it’s unbelievable, and he balanced the elemental forces of nature in my body. He drew them out, let them return to their elements and drew them back in. The same with the air elements, but he is not quite thru yet. He has to balance the spiritual elements also. He is drawing in his mind etheric, it’s almost like an etheric bird over my body, and over the poles this thing is suspended. I have to become quiet, because the spiritual healing has to take place also.
Th. Continue to describe it.
Ru. I don’t know what he is doing, but my elements, the spiritual ones, have to withdraw and mingle with the spiritual form of that bird. (Big sighs and deep breathing) My body kind of feels getting numb, like when you have a needle. My mind, my spirit feels kind of soaring high up, becoming a point, a speck, but directed by the High Priest. And it has to concentrate its ways down, in its spiritual, like a silvery bird. Getting condensed down again into the body. (Hum, with a sigh). Having some funny feelings, its coming condensed back into my body. I feel life coming back into my body. (Big sighs and deep breathing) I am awakening in my body, I am smiling, everybody says cries of joy and laughter, they celebrating, they start to encircle me again, and it’s a wide circle. I feel like I am getting up, being helped to sit up, I put my feet down, and I stand on my feet. I got some twitching in my hands, my entire body feels like kind of shake, I am really shaking, its like I can’t believe what has happened to me. It’s a miracle! It’s like a rebirth, rebirth that is what it was. All the elements of my physical, emotional, spiritual body were returned to their elements and drawn back into the physical form and therefore I was born again, and my body is healed and it’s perfect again. It’s in perfect balance with the elements. Hum, I am still all shaken by this experience. I am trembling from within, but I am smiling and everything seems beautiful. I am turned now and I am told to approach and face the High Priest, the medicine man. He seems to be almost like a transfigured person, he really seems to be a very, very powerful transfigured person. Not the ordinary medicine man. I am still shaking, he asks me to kneel, and a reed of flowers is put on my head. And he is giving me a blessing, trying to stabilize my energies, to get used to this new me. (With tearful voice Ruth continues) he says to me I am going to receive the new teachings because I am twice born. This is so beautiful. I can’t believe the joy! I am not anymore of this mortal world, although I have this physical body. As a twice born I am allowed to serve him, live with his people, and learn and teach. It’s so overwhelming, I try to get used to this joy, to this beauty, not to have to serve the other tribe anymore, but to serve the medicine tribe. That is so good. To be healed, to be whole, that’s just incredible. Ah, I am still all shaking, but it’s a good shaking, it’s like all light is opening up. Twice born, that is incredible.
Th. What is your name?
Ru. I don’t know if they have given me a name yet.
Th. If they gave you a name what did thy call you?
Ru. I get this Moraya, which means the wind, the moon, and the stars.
Th. How long do you live there?
Ru. I forgot. It was a very, very powerful like an earth shaking experience. It’s like a miracle. There I thought I had to live with this old ugly woman, and being crippled as I was, and yet, I was healed. I have the same body, but with different elements in it. You know, to get used to this different elements is quite something else.
Th. I would like to move to the end of Moraya’s life. How old is she when she dies?
Ru. Fife hundred, she does not die.
Th. When she drops the physical body. And where is she? What position is your body in. (Ruth does not answer) at the time of death, or what we would call death?
Ru. The same when I got the picture when the High Priest withdraw the elemental forces and it felt like becoming a cocoon like thing, similar to the Egyptian sarcophagus. It’s not a sarcophagus; it is too narrow at the bottom. I think, don’t know what you call it, it’s more symbolic of an ank, you just lie there, that’s it. You stand behind your physical form at the top, that is it. There is no death! Because during that life, many times we did just step out of the body, just nothing to it.
Th. When you step out of this body at 500, is there anyone around you?
Ru. Yes, it’s in a temple like setting, it was decreed that I want to go on to a higher realm and learn some more, for higher training, for which I did not need a physical body. We were all taught during these times all those things, and it was up to you when you wanted to terminate this so-called physical existence, when you wanted to go to a higher realm and learn and serve there before it is time to choose to have another physical body or incarnation. And it was all OK.
Th. Do you hear anything being said, do you hear anything being said to you at the moment of death?
Ru. The eternal cocoon emerging taking its flight towards the spiritual sun, and this is the meaning of the crossed arms because my hands at this moment become the wings of my soul. There is a lot of symbology involved even in rituals with the hand movements in that position.
Th. What are your thoughts at the very moment of death?
Ru. There was no death! There is no death!
Th. At the very moment when you left the physical body for the last time?
Ru. Oh, my arms and hands became wings as I got out of my body and stood behind there. I keep them crossed and say: earth to earth, water to water, air to air, fire to fire, and this I decree for this physical body which has served me well. May you return and be released to your elemental substance. So be it! And that’s it. The physical body is instantaneously dissolved. Id does not go through the decaying process. Hum, I turn around, I say good by to those there, and I walk into the light. It’s like a tunnel of light, where the point merges my consciousness will be merged with the higher plane from where I should function from there on.
Th. What I want you to do, close your eyes again and relate that life time as it were a story and tell it to me.
Ru. OK, it seemed that I was the daughter of a rich person. We were making a pilgrimage and I was allowed to go. I was from a sheltered family; I was allowed to go, entrusted into the care of that chief from another village. Our destiny was some type of shrine, and also some relatives of ours, and this was why I was allowed to go. It seemed that my parents weren’t able to make it, but it was unusual of a woman of my station and cast to be allowed to travel alone. There was trust there from my family to this man, especially because he was the head of this, not an expedition but a pilgrimage. Naturally the women used to carry the water on their head from water hole to water hole. Because it was rather a barren country, it was in the Middle East. When we came to the particular point the chief took lust for me. You know what happened, he knocked me over. He made it look like an accident to the others, like he knocked the urn off my head, seemingly I lost my balance, but he had pushed me. Than the struggle, the rape, my shame, living serving there, until the injuries, we did not even reach the destination. I think it was not even that long until we reached that village. We stopped at that one village with this strange huts, and there at the water hole this injuries by bending down, I couldn't’t even get up, it was so bad that they took me into his hut. They were sitting around having a counsel and they decided that I should remain in that village with the outcasts of the old women. So they took me there. That was a bad scene and I was really scared. But I think my American Indian guide was with. The reason was destined to get me there somehow, because that medicine man was no ordinary medicine man, that’s what he done. Oh god I start shaking a bit again. Than the ceremony and probably I was brought back to life, totally cured, given to the service and teachings of this high person, would call him a Master because he did have the power to disassemble your body and put it back together, at least the physical elements. I was initiated into their teachings, I associate it with a book “The Masters of the Far East” which came first into my hands when I was fourteen year old, and again when I was twenty eight, fourteen years after I read the entire bands of the books. Now I am fifty-two and I want to read them again, feeling that I understand the teachings much better this time around. One day this book just appeared, out of the blue sky, it had to jump out of the book shelf and hit my hand. Well, very ordinary. I can see that past life relating to this one and what I am going into now. The balancing out, stepping out of this one life really into another life of light and service. I even feel that, I am able, to totally do now what that initiate done for my body than. I can rearrange these elements and molecules and cells in my body, I can. Or God in me, the mighty I AM can do it. I feel very strongly that knowing having been through this experience tap into it again. I feel I may even be able to tap into the teachings. It feels very peaceful and good.
Th. Now continue this story to the end or death, dropping this body for the last time.
Ru. There is really a strange ceremony there, I lay, it’s not a temple, it’s not a hut, I have the feeling it’s an underground thing. I lay there and the head priest or medicine man is about nine feet away from me. There are two rows of servers, or I want to say brethren on each side of me. They know it’s about time for me to lay down my physical body to dissolve it. It is a ritual, it is a ceremony. I lay there, I fold my hands over my breast, and I go within my God self, and I decree to lay down this physical body, because it has done its service. And than I stand behind this physical body. And I decree the elements return to their original source. Each of the four elements to their source. As I say this, the physical form dissolves into this air. There is nothing left; there are no ashes, no nothing, and its total absorbency into its original elements. I turn around and the High Priest makes room for me to walk behind him, and I walk into this light. It’s like a tunnel of light, it almost draws you into it, and there at the point is where your consciousness is transformed, it’s almost like a swishing around and this is as far as I go with this life.
Th. Lets now disconnect from anything which needs to be left in the past. Is there anything you wish to say which you did not have the opportunity to say? To the chief that raped you.
Tell him!
Ru. Well, I would say to him that I have learned to forgive through love, and hopefully you will be forgiven by others as you will have to forgive others too and one of these days and maybe the light already has or will also open up for you and you will start on your path of salvation. The others of the same cast or teachings to them I say, come back and hopefully I wish that I reestablish a conscious connection with them, because I would like to bring back these teachings into this life. I feel they were very, very valid. Even dealing with beyond what we are aware of at this point. The study of the elements, being able to release through ceremonials, through knowledge, help people to release these elements resolve them back into their essence and draw them back perfect new into their physical form. Forming a new physical body which does not see death anymore, nor has to go through the death and decay experience. I think I really made a link there of paramount importance for me in this life. As a matter of fact I do know that I can go into meditation and tune into this, anytime I want too.
Th. Anything else you want to go into?
Ru. The negative parts I released totally, but the positive one I take to my bosom and I want to keep it and bring more of it back, because the positive part of it seems to be taking over in lot of learning and teaching of the higher truth, which will help me with my balance. God, I feel really happy!
